Thoughts to ponder for the coming New Year

Withall that is going on in our world, we forget the important
things in life. I hereby pass on to you a collection of things to
ponder, if not only for distraction…

MORE THINGS TO PONDER    

 1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things. 

 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor….  

 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.  

 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?  

 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.  

 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She 

    said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.  

 7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?  

 8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash hishands with soap?   

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatensto kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 

10. Is there another word for synonym?   

11. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from itall?”  

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animaleating an endangered plant?  

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnishhis wages?   

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?  

 15 Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are theyafraid someone will clean them?   

16. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homelessor naked?  

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?   

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him hehas the right to remain silent?

 19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?   

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only atthose yellow road signs?  

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?  

22. One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talkabout other people.   

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?  

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoyadultery?   

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?   

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the restdrown too?   

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would youstill be hungry?   

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have youdone?   

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have “S” in it?  

30. Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” insteadof “assteroids”?   

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can’tshoot at them?   

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?   

33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle threetimes does he become disoriented? 

34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts ofGod?

December 29th, 2006